#I have to study physics help
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šš®š¢š“š© š°š³ šš¢š“š“ Anakin Skywalker
A/N: I have truly no idea what is this. Btw English is not my native language, so bear with me if there are any grammatical mistakes
Warnings: smut, p in v, riding, hand job, Anakin being the hottest person in the world, Fem! Reader, fluff, 18+, tension, unprotected sex
Summary: reader and Anakin are playing smash or pass, so they don't get bored
Masterlist!!!
Anakin's back was facing you, sitting at his desk doing research for his next mission. You were laying in his bed, looking through the window at the views of the beautiful Coruscant at noon, the sun setting while spaceships were flying from one direction to the opposite.
A sigh escaped your lips while sitting up, legs in front of you while your hands supported you from behind.
"Anii" you said in a whiny voice, the boredom could be visibly noticed in your voice. "Can we do something fun pleaseee"
"Y/n, you know we can't go out so tell me, what fun is there to do?"- He said while turning to you, leaving his research forgotten, knowing that there was no point in continuing it since you would come up with something that would completely distract him.
You hummed, agreeing with him. Your brows furrowed, lips sealed while you thought of something to do. Anakin was admiring you, your lips how beautiful they were, your face where no flags were visible to him, he loved hearing you talk, he loved how your eyes shone every time they found his face after being separated for a long time. He knew he had to push these feelings he'd had since you guys were kids down, he'd had them since the first day you met, the first time you talked to him, he knew he was fucked. He loved the way you walked, talked, and laughed, those things kept him away from the dark side all those times he had thought of joining it.
"I know!" You exclaimed, Anakin's trance being interrupted by your angelic voice." There's this kind of game where you say the name of a person and have to say if you would smash them or don't."
"What do you mean, would smash them-"
"If you would fuck them or not" Anakin's cheek reddening a bit while a smirk grew on your face. He could be sometimes bold, most of the time he was. But then other times, you were."So, for example, I say a name, and you have to say smash if you would and pass if you wouldn't. All clear?"
"Yep" You moved, crossing your legs, so he could have some space. Anakin sitting in front of you, his back pressed against the headboard, leg crossed too.
"Okay, I start. Mmmmm" After two seconds of thinking, a name came to your mind, a giggle escaping your mouth." Okay, soā¦ smash or pass... Yoda."
Anakin's color disappeared from his face, you were trying not to laugh too much.
"What! You can't ask me that it's- ew, it is disgusting!" Arms in the air Anakin's face was as if he had just seen a ghost, while you were trying to catch your breath
"You have to answer! C'mon, don't be such a baby! It's just a gamee"
"Ugh, okay, I would obviously wouldn't fuck him, so pass."
"Yeah, fair, I wouldn't either."
"Now my turnā¦ Windu."
"To be honest smash, he isn't that bad looking, his personality is what ruins him, y'know it wouldn't be that bad to have some fun from time to time man. Uhm-"
The game carried on until no Jedi could come up to your mind, time passed, and you got close to each other, It was as if the Force was pulling you together, your knees touching the time your mind couldn't think of any other name to say.
"I can't think of anyone else, think we've said everyone we know." A smile was plastered on both of your faces, and a light force was embracing you both. The moment those words came out of your face, Anakin's smile turned it to a smirk. He leaned in his body closer to you now, elbows on his knees, hands on your knees caressing your thighs. A blush decorated your cheeks, while your mouth formed an o.
"That's where you're wrong, we haven't said if we would smash each other." He said in a raspy voice that made your whole body shiver. His face now inches away from yours, eyes flickering down to your lips.
"I- I don't know what you mean by that." You tried to disguise your nerves with a laugh, eyes wandering around the room as long as they didn't meet his. His hands were still caressing your thighs, you didn't know what to do with your hands, so subconsciously you placed them on top of his, making his smirk grow wider. You perfectly knew what he meant, you were hoping he wouldn't notice that you hadn't said your name on purpose so the conversation you were having right now could be avoided.
"I think you perfectly know what I mean, so why not make it easier and just answer. Would you smash me, or pass me?"
"Anakin I- you know we can't I-"
"I'm not saying we would, I'm just saying if we hypothetically could, would you?"
"Uhā¦ I mean hypothetically, I would". Now your confidence was back. Straightening your back, you leaned a bit too. What worried you seconds ago was quickly forgotten the moment you saw him adjust himself, and the smirk impossibly growing more." And would you smash me, Skywalker?" "Oh, I definitely would, hypothetically or not." If you moved a millimeter, your lips would be on his, his breath fanning your face.
"Really? And tell me what would you do?" Your hand came up to his face, putting a lock of his hair behind his ear, your hand coming down to his cheek and your thumb caressing it.
"If you let me I could sho-" He was interrupted by your lips crashing on his, if you weren't drunk on his presence and essence you wouldn't have done that. You both knew it was so wrong, but then, why did it feel so right?
Grabbing your hips, Anakin lift you up and placed you on his lap, the moment you sat you felt his bulge press against your core, causing a moan to escape from both of your mouths. Hands-on hips, Anakin moved you at a pace where both of you were seeing stars, you couldn't wait until he was inside you.
Moving his mouth from lips to the neck, you reached down to undo his belt, a groan escaping Anakin's mouth when he felt you palming him through his boxers. Putting your hands inside his boxers, your hand came in contact with his hard dick. Flesh to flesh, you started by circling his tip feeling the pre-cum drip, your hand moved up and down his length feeling his veins. The pleasure makes him stop his movements on your neck. With your other hand, you tilted his chin up so your lips could meet his. Slipping your tongue inside his mouth, feeling the vibrations of his groans, making you smirk.
"Fu-fuck you make me feel so good" He groaned between breaths.- "Fuck! I'm cumming, don't stop. Please, please, please."
You smirked hearing his beg for your touch, feeling him come undone under you, you started to remove your top along with your bra, breast on display for him, his mouth watering at the sight, seconds later he copied your movements by removing his shirt. He wasted no other second, he attached his lips to your left breast, circling your nipple with his tongue.
"Ani I want you inside me" Your eyes were closed with pleasure, mouth prated, unholy noises coming out of it. At that sentence, Anakin's dick was hard and twitching again.
Carefully, he turned you around, back now pressing against the bed while he was completely naked on top of you. Vigorously, he took your pants along with panties off of you.
"Are you sure?" He wanted to have you so badly, but he knew consent was needed, even if you wanted it as badly as him.
"Yes, yes, yes, please."
"So needy "He whispered to you, taking his cock, he slowly slipped it inside you, he was slow at first, waiting for you to adjust. He surprised himself by not combusting the moment he was inside you.
You tapped his shoulder, signaling he could move. In the beginning, it was slow, but as the seconds passed he was rougher. Nails scraping his hands, hand in hand, pleasure consuming both of your bodies and mind. Your lips were sealed with him. You both were relieved this was finally happening, both of you anticipating this moment since Maker knows when.
"Oh, Ani right there!" Your face was contracted with pleasure. His thumb came down to your clit, stimulating it, If this wasn't heaven, then you didn't know what heaven was.
Wrapping your legs around his hips, you were suddenly on top of him, discovering more pleasurable angles.
"Oh sit" Anakin said, he was deeper inside of you in this new position, his climax coming closer. "Darling I'm close"
"Me too." With your hands on his toned chest, you started to bounce faster, both of your climaxes just around the corner.- Shit shit shit I'm cumming.
Be a good girl and do.- Anakin came right after you did. Your juices mixing in your cunt, dripping down your legs.
The moment he lifts you up from him, you whined, missing the feeling of his dick deep inside you. You lay on the right side of the bed, feeling Anakin shuffle around the bedroom to your side. Picking you up, he took you to the bathroom, where you took a shower with him, cleaning up before getting into bed with him.
Your breathing was in sync, you've never felt more at peace. But you knew you had to talk.
"Anakin, what we just did was really wrong. " Your face was in his chest, Anakin's hand playing with your hair. He hummed in response. "It's against the code what we just did, the code we have tied ourselves to for life."
"I know." He simply said. "But I also know that is the best thing I've ever done, and I don't regret it a bit."
"I don't regret it, either." You whispered. " Do you think we could keep it a secret?"
At that, Anakin's heart leaped, a smile decorating his features.
"Of course, we can, my love. " He said, kissing the top of your head, you hummed in satisfaction. " Just don't get distracted by me when we train, y'know."
You hit him playfully in the chest, kissing him you replied softly
You wish Skywalker.
I thought I lost this for one moment and I almost kms šššš
#anakin is so mf hot#I have to study physics help#anakin imagine#anakin skywalker imagine#star wars#anakin skywalker smut#anakin smut#anakin smut imagine#anakin skywalker one shot
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i wanted to try drawing older Mabel and Dipper !
#gravity falls#mabel pines#dipper pines#artists on tumblr#tbob#not gonna lie im not too sold on these designs so i may change things later if i ever wanna draw them again#i was looking at their old character designs and concept art for inspiration#mabel lowkey looks like a fashion mess but! i think its in character so whatevvsss#also firm believer that they both have glasses. mabel doesnt wear contacts bc she likes fun frames + contacts are too uncomfortable for her#dipper doesnt wear contacts because hes too busy for contacts and he can never put them in right#also took some insp from kristen schaal. alex hirsch. ariel hirsch. jason ritter for them too#also. i know dipper is shown to be a STEM-y kid but i firmly am a believer hes a STEM enjoyer in the service of art. like the fanfiction#writer thats studies physics or chemistry to get a certain detail right or something. or the entire futurama writers room lol#like i do think he wants to make documentaries or shows abt the supernatural or whatever#and mabel helps out with the adventuring :)#kind of like buzzfeed unsolved in the golden era of youtube#turtlearts
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from @/elfbotanist on twitter who is posting from trick's bluesky; they elaborated a bit on exactly what the intention of the solavellan ending is
#honestly#this is a lot more sad than i originally interpreted it#i was like oh they can leave if he confronts his regrets like rook did#but it doesnt seem like that is the case?#maybe it is a possibility but he has to stay there to study the blight that is also trapped there?#honestly i love this ending the more i sit with it#but the more i sit with it also the more it hurts#i was expecting him to die and i was really prepared for that#but this is tragic in a way i wasnt expecting and its got me so fucked up#its beautifully poetic#the trickster god who freed slaves and trapped tyrants allowing himself to be trapped#to make up for everything he has done#for him to return to the fade after being forced into the physical world#for him to follow mythal into the physical only for his mortal lover to follow him back into the fade so he wouldn't have to be alone#lavellan giving up her life for this makes me sob#i love her i love this its so fucking bittersweet i could die#and with what tay said about a dalish keeper's role being to guard everyone from the dreadwolf#thats exactly what shes doing but because she loves him she is helping hold him accountable#i genuinely cannot stop sobbing this is so insane#i cant believe they managed to absolutely bamboozle me like this because i did not expect something so tragic#well played trick weekes.....#solavellan#solas#veilguard spoilers#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#da:v spoilers#dav spoilers
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i know a lot of people tend to define dani/ellie's "obsession" as the ocean to go with danny's space obsession but tbh i feel like as dani gets older she's going to do a lot to separate herself from her identity as danny's "clone" and become her own person
like, that's why i love that the fandom has adopted the "ellie" nickname so much for her. i so wish the show went on for longer with more competent writers or the comic could expand on this maybe but i think finding her own identity and voice would be such a powerful narrative. you're made for one thing but you don't wanna do that, so now what do you do?
(tbh that kind of identity exploration is probably too anit-christian for b*tch h*rtman so i'm glad he didn't get to touch it)
it's canon that dani goes off and travels the world, so why not have her obsession be traveling? she's got a huge case of wanderlust. she likes the outdoors, she likes hiking and camping and is a huge granola girl. like, i think that kinda just fits her a bit more, in my opinion. traveling/exploration.
#danny phantom#dani phantom#ellie phantom#ominous posts#i have a lot more ideas for an aged up everlasting trio too#like college ages#i think sam would dual major in polisci and environmental studies. activist queen#tucker would definitely be computer science but i can also see him being a theater or history kid#danny? i love the idea of him being the black sheep/artist of his family of scientists#but i think he would go for some sort of aerospace engineering obviously.#if he can't be an astronaut because of health reasons/the accident then at least he can help people get up there#though danny becoming NASA's social media manager would also be hilarious. Communications Major Danny?#that's my mass comm degree bias coming through haha#valerie ends up a part of their group at some point and she majors in physical health/exercise#college au? i guess??#cool egde au
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the deweys photos are from this video: https://youtu.be/5xTwJho44ao?si=bPw8MZZ327lCogVZ arenāt they just everything
kissing you and the minnesota wild official media team (with consent) full on the mouth, THANK YOU THIS VIDEO IS EVERYTHING š„°š„° i have seen pieces of it before i think (connor petting a shark š„¹) but the entire video start to finish is such a delight, 10/10 would recommend
#iām so glad i saw this now and not when i was deranged at 2AM last night (i say as if i am not currently deranged)#like i had to physically pause. stop watching the video. to take notes to tell you guys about it i hope you know#holyjost thank u i love u i appreciate u & how u always have the sources š#i send out a prayer to the universe (put shit in the tags) & u provide#liv in the replies#holyjost#i love this reaction image btw it is one of my FAVORITES#anyway i was just chilling and then lost it at the ābrandon just says shitā part and had to start writing down notes (as follows)#there is SO much. the lore. the fact that brandon lasts two seconds before his shirt comes off everyone else is so bundled#dewey2 immediate āsharksā girl help the two of them on the bean bag together#the boat competition BOLDYāS CONTRACT??? yeah i AM thinking about that in a weird way what kind of contract brandon#also boldy motion sickness girlie heās so real for that one šš#and brandon talking a big game and then like fuckin. curled into a ball on the beanbag passed out bro i cannot.#LD BONITA? LD BONITA FISH??? So excitedly???? my GOD.#LEAVE THAT POOR FISH ALONE!!!!#oh the shark lore š„ŗ dewey baby let me take you to this fantastic thing called an aquarium.#you can pet sharks there!!! i canāt even. i know iāve seen it and had a breakdown about it before but connorās hand when he pets the shark#the absolute joy oh my god. connor PLEASE ik u want to touch all the fishā¦ we have sturgeon & sting rays & jellies#brandon praising connorās attitude š«” he is so goal oriented they said the goal is a vibe check and connor studied.#also. save me hot brothers save me#what the fuck is this yeti cup ritual give me a cult au NOW wkdndiwkdi theyāre such freaks. i love it. also just drink it bro#VLADDY MENTION THATāS MY BOY HI BEAUTIFULLLLL#OH THIS WAS THE MIDDSY FIGHT???#awww Freddy (who i never think is a forward??)#connor dewar#brandon duhaime#minnesota wild#for reference!
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#I can't believe my computer broke just a couple of days before the new chapter came out.#Not to be dramatic or anything but this was my last straw#It means everything to me ššš My puter has my whole life in in. And endless resources of everything#That's why people tell you to backup stuff š¤¦š¤¦š¤¦#Okay before I get too dramatic it's not gone like I can turn it on just fine.#Except there's no cursor to be found anywhere and I can't find a way to fix it#(Yeah it's not the f4 key I've tried that. Repeatedly)#So since there's no way to turn the puter off without mouse I had to kill it the hard way 4-5 times today#(aka every time I tried turning it on again in hope everything got fixed on its own)#And when I turned it on again five minutes ago. IT DIDN'T START NORMALLY. AND IT ASKED THE SYSTEM LANGUAGE AND STUFF#I lost like. Half my lifespan. I was terrified it got formatted out of nowhere and I had lost everything#It didn't. It seemingly is fine (from what I can see from my desktop).#But man I really didn't need this kind of stress on top of average exams depression#Idk what to do... I want to go to the guy in my dorm who studies computer science but it'd be the third time I ask him for helpā#and I'm a little embarrassed now. Asking for help sucks in general#But I don't have money to pay consultation...#I think there is a chance my touchpad just worn out since. Like. I use my computer extensively#But even that seems a little excessive? Not even the buttons work. I've only had this computer for three or four years...#Anyways I don't have a physical mouse. And I can't spend money to buy it when there's a chance that wouldn't fix the problem. Ughhhhhhhhhh#random rambles#If I stop posting in the next days. It's simply because I can't ššš#Goodbye people please keep posting ss kk for me
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Interesting. Donāt necessarily think Iām autistic but I have more going on than just ADHD and Iām not sure what that is.
#Iām not even sure if the ADHD is actually ADHD either or if itās just technology addiction#Gonna get a REAL neuropsych evaluation at some point out of sheer curiosity as to what the fuck is wrong with me#I relate to a lot of autistic things and I relate to a lot of ADHD things; but I donāt entirely relate to the majority of either population#and I donāt relate to people with both enough to think I have both#Iāve begun treating myself as if I am autistic just for Kicks and using things that help them and itās helping in some ways#but I know itās probably not autism because even though I struggle socially; itās not because of the same reasons#I understand social cues; I was only accidentally perceived as rude as a kid (and most kids are kind of blunt)#(Mostly a moderate amount of āStop correcting me! Itās disrespectful!ā from my parents)#And nowadays because of how much psychology and acting I study; I can perceive shrimp social cues#And Iām purposefully doing all the right things but it still feels like I fail social interactions because of my lack of assertiveness#which I KNOW come from being raised in a cult#so perhaps my odd social behavior is from CPTSD from being raised in a puritan doomsday cult as an only child#Because I was NOT introverted or sensitive to others as a child#I did not have routines as a child and the ones I did have were for fun and did not distress me if I strayed from them#But now I need structure as an adult because I donāt know what else to do with myself if I have nowhere to be#But at the same time everyone feels worse when they have no routine or expectations#And is it actually inattentive ADHD or severe derealization and an itch to do as many things as possible#because I spent my childhood being raised in a boring doomsday cult by disabled older parents who couldnāt physically do much?#(And I donāt fault my parents for being disabled but I do fault them for the whole doomsday cult thing)#So I spent my whole childhood doing mentally tedious things when really Iām more wired for physically spontaneous things#Because I was not allowed to walk around the neighborhood alone until I was sixteen#And I couldnāt hang out with friends I wanted to hang out with because they were bad association#So of course I got really good at drawing even though I donāt even like drawing that much#Of course I got really good at writing even though I donāt like writing that much#Now that I donāt need to escape from anything I find I actually hate drawing and writing because itās such a chore#they make my heart rate accelerate in a way I donāt like to feel#(I hate writing less than drawing)
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university.. university leave me alone
#heres the situation: for my cognitive literary studies class (quite fun) we had to pick primary material and a cognitive angle to analyse it#from. and the deadline was coming up and i who have been thinking very intensely about robots for the last half a year picked#yeah you guessed it. fucking PIERS PLOWMAN. which is not fun for me but i panicked about the deadline#so now i have to do something about piers plowman and its cognitive literary properties#and im in hell this is hell i have been extremely stressed about piers plowman for a month. to the point where ive been in physical pain#AND I CANNOT. THINK OF ANYTHING. ABOUT PIERS PLOWMAN.#and the teacher for that class is so nice and chill and she was like you can pick anything at all. and i went with piers plowman#like it's interesting but from what COGNITIVE angle can i approach piers plowman.#ive been thinking about saying exactly this that piers plowman is more for historical linguists and theologists than narratologists but im#also positive plenty of scholars read piers plowman for the plot#so then i thought about the characters and whether you can Connect with them and whether they help you Immerse yourself in the story and#other terminology i learned in cognitive literary studies class.#theyre allegorical and very 1 dimensional and there could be something about whether we from 2024 understand them in the same way#people from the 14th century did. like this was what i put in my proposal when i made it#but now i actually have to make the slides and use cognitive literary papers for this and it's just not going at all. i cant do it.#i cant do anything i cant enjoy the daylight and the warmer weather i cant think about anything other than im not making progress on this#and it's bad for me!! it's bad for my health i feel bad. why did i go with piers plowman why did i not pick watership down#my post#i have plenty to say about watership downm cognitively.#also about old possums book of practical cats#maybe i could email her and tell her id like to change it.. no#ive also been reading the tombs of atuan which is incredible
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Transitus Comic Studies
These were meant to be colored but alas. Faulty art supplies. Still like these sketches though! Theyāre lifted from the OG comic book. The idea was to only use direct poses and scenes from the source material and try to infuse some more productive character design into them.
Focus on status of a given character (and changes in it) and some stronger air of historical reference, kept as far away from my own personal head canons of the characters and their backstories as possible.
Really had fun with these. Great figure practice āļø
#ayreon#transitus#art#tldr of the essay these came with that ill never post:#Danielās character is extremely static and he never develops#him looking more and more middle class looking the further he strays from his family and home could help that along a bit#Abby is hypersexualized to no justifiable end and it makes her horrifying story arc a lot harder to take seriously#the progressive loss of structure in her funeral dress could mirror her mental state in act II and have a parallel with Daniel in Act I#Henry is well designed but heās not communicating the type of asshole that he actually is#hes manipulative and careful and purposefully physically removed from the awful shit he does#heās obsessed with upholding his own and by extension his familyās reputation and thus has the most incentive to look pristine + respectabl#also too hats arenāt worn indoors thatās like a basic etiquette thing#Lavinia is a downright racial stereotype in an album telling you not to judge people by that sort of thing#in addition she drags every other characterās writing down with her nonsense motivations and gimmicks#at the very least take away the g*psy persona#Abrahamā¦doesnāt have enough canon info to get any sort of informed design in there#but the belt he has in the comic wasnāt invented until the 1920s#it wouldnāt have killed Arjen to add a location for this story either#sketch#character design#character study#1880s#Victorian era#gilded age#belle Ć©poque#historical fashion#concept album#rock opera#arjen lucassen
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quick note - this blog is gonna be sparse again for at least this week. trying new medications and tbh initial side effects are not super pleasant + actual effects build up. as a result: currently as if unmedicated for mental health, with anxiety+ side effect, extra fatigue, dizziness, and fatigue. it's uh, sure something.
totally recognize that most of y'all know we're absent at times due to health things, just wanted to give a heads up that this one is at least anticipated.
#fun fact sometimes condensing meds just means poorer treatment of some conditions#this is a re-expansion + new thing#so that instead of poorly treating my mental health and using an unusually high dose SNRI for another (physical) condition#i will hopefully both be in less pain AND not depressed af AND also have an appetite again#i doubt i will be lucky and not have a fucked stomach due to meds but one can hope that an appetite will allow me to eat foods that upset#my stomach a lot less#my health is forever a massive balancing act#every time a medical thing is like 'so what meds do u take' i'm like here i wrote it down for u#and they're like 'oh. ooookay. let me just...' *five minutes of typing and clicking later*#'so! what did you come in for again? uhuh. you said you experience pain daily? with your chronic pain thing? hm. have you tried yoga?'#/gen#like. straight up every time i say 'i am in pain all the time due to fibromyalgia' they are like 'ooh studies say regular exercise helps'#and like. theoretically yes! but also. i would be lying if i said the fibromyalgia studies i've skimmed don't set off general 'bad science'#alarm bells in my brain#like... cool you performed a fibromyalgia study with... all male lab rats? mhmm? so are you aware fibromyalgia appears to occur#overwhelmingly in women? like. data seems to suggest between 70-85%?#(not that the data can't still indicate things but it certainly makes male rats a poor choice of model for tests on it)#also just... idk i've looked at some metaanalysis and been like 'okay cool theory and for all i know about human bio or bio in general that#sounds more or less correct BUT. you never discussed that one study on this subject that did NOT support your conclusion.#and that's 1) interesting when it was the most diverse group of subjects and the exceptions often teach just as much as the 'rule'#2) just shitty science. tell me how your theory is still credible when some evidence doesn't fit the model.#like... 'given that all other studies were primarily conducted on white american women in their 30s to 40s it is possible that this model#only explains (the early effects of fibro since that's a typical onset period) / (a possible genetic link primarily found in white women) /#(a possible sign of bias in diagnosis that demonstrates the possibility that there are different causes) / combinations of all of those#like... idk a paper that just throws out things that don't support it is a pretty big red flag#it doesn't mean the conclusion is entirely incorrect but it is often important to understand the context in which it applies#like... it's very easy to jump to an incorrect conclusion if you used something in the wrong context#ie: thumbs up is a good job / positive thing in a lot of western civilizations. teenage kee once went to china and discovered it to be#neutral to offensive in many areas outside of major tourist locations that were used to it#anyways i gotta sleep
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soā¦ in the additional media of stranger things (specifically the comics iām mentioning), it was initially brennerās idea/plan to kill off the other test subjects because they werenāt performing as well as eleven was. it was his best solution because that way, all the resources, time, and money could instead be placed only to her. and i justā¦. sure henry is a fine character and the massacre makes a lot of sense to me, but i think i am once again gonna change up my canon to actually fit this potential narrative instead.
i genuinely think the comic canon of the lab and brenner is far more intriguing than the show. everything with 9/9.5, ricky, and francine. eleven being the only one who grew up completely in the lab. those other kids were either volunteers, well into their teens, or had some semblance of a home life. eleven was the only one practically moulded from the womb. and they all had such a range of interesting powers. i firmly stand with the idea that jane is the only one who can contact the void.
brennerās entire point of view on the lab subjects changed the second he found out terry was pregnant. he discovered he could steal this baby and make her his own. there would be no convincing the child because itās all she would have ever known. because of this, i would not put it past a man like brenner to kill the other subjects for the sake of the āgreater goodā in this case, eleven.
elevenās gifts just continue thriving beyond his wildest expectations. brenner would never dare assume that having moulded her from the womb, she would still be able to grow into her own person, her own mind, and one day be able to see him for exactly who he was.
back before season four aired, it was obvious there were other test subjects because jane was 011. so there were at least ten kids before her. but i always liked the idea/assumed that she was the last experiment because she was the most successful. that they didnāt need anyone after her because she was fulfilling everything they set out for her to do. with flying colours.
i just think the whole rainbow room idea, pitting the kids against each other thingā¦ been there, done that. boring and predictable. i think at this point my portrayal of her time in hawkins lab really stems from the complete isolation she endured. where having the rainbow room, although eleven was obviously the most isolated out of the kids, brings that sense of community and sister/brotherhood. albeit extremely warped and toxic. knowing that she wasnāt alone in that experience just. doesnāt sit well with me. i think itās important to note that she was alone, physically and mentally. which is why kali is also so important to her growth. i thought a lot of the flashbacks of her time in the lab during season four was really boring, repetitive, and just very predictable. although peter becoming vecna was a surprise to me, and was a nice little twist, the idea of her having an ally on the inside was really interesting.
maybe they did get as far as they do in canon, peter ballad was telling the truth about everything, about some of the workers there being prisoners like him, and he really wanted to get her out and to safety. but before they can escape through the pipes, theyāre caught. peter is shot on the spot, and eleven is put into the isolation room for a few days as punishment. in this timeline, henry would be vecna, but henry would not be peter ballad.
when eleven turned seven, and was already showing extreme promise, where the other children were average at best, brenner had the eight children killed. kali had already escaped. this was the main cause for peter to gain elevenās trust and try to get her out. because if brenner could murder his āchildrenā in cold blood, thereās no way eleven was safe even in spite of her power.
when eleven is allowed out of the isolation room, her testing becomes more rigorous in attempt to distance and make her forget about what she attempted to do with peter. brenner begins gaslighting her, saying that there was never a peter, that she must have been dreaming. eleven does ask āpapaā about āmamaā, given peter told her of the day terry broke in the lab, but brenner is convincing enough to make eleven believe it was all in her head. say she is around eight years old, meaning the same timeline of season fours canon flashbacks.
i still do wanna keep the henry creel canon, and keep him as 001. brenner didnāt have him killed alongside the other test subjects, because who knows, one day he could become an even better asset than 011. brenner definitely wants to be able to control henry, but keeps the chip in him because, for the moment, doesnāt know how. killing him would be too big of a loss.
when eleven is ten years old, henryās concealed powers break free and he manages to get the chip out himself, and unleashes hell onto hawkins lab. he almost kills brenner by snapping his bones, but eleven manages to stop him. her extreme abilities are unleashed, and she sends henry to the upside down. she does fall into a coma due to the extremity of the situation, but she does not forget what happened. brenner believes sheās the perfect weapon as she stepped in to save him without a second thought, was able to defeat henry, and opened a door to something he never thought possible. eleven is rewarded for her efforts. although she remembers the entire battle / confrontation, her memories regarding the portal are very hazy.
brenner decides not to focus on the portal straight away, instead gets her training harder and harder to see what else she can accomplish. also loved the idea of brenner sending her into the void to ālook for himā so that will definitely be kept.
by the time she escapes and season one begins, her knowledge of the upside down is basically what we see in canon. because she passed out the moment after she sent henry away, she was once again gaslighted into believing she merely threw him through the glass and killed him. for two years she believed this, until making contact with the demogorgan, and those memories return completely.
due to her saving brennerās life, (it was pure instinct. she happened to be there. saw her āpapaā hurt and knew she had to make him better.) brenner constantly thanks her. but in a very condescending way. tells her: āyou saved me so i can continue saving you.ā aka, harness your abilities and see what else i can achieve from you. despite the fact that she saved his life, these words and phrases make her feel indebted to him. that she owes him something further.
i don't realistically see her thriving with her speech improvement until she's well into her twenties at least. her slowed development, sensory and social deprivation causes a serious delay in language. surrounded by other children she would have overheard conversations, some would have spoken to her. her conveniently forgetting her upbringing pre the battle with henry just isn't good enough for me anymore. it makes more sense for her to have been raised alone.
it also helps indicate why she gravitated towards the boys when they found her in the woods. they would have been the first people her age she ever remembered seeing. as far as she knew, during the lab there was no one like her. everyone was much older, they were adults-- although she stayed with benny, i'm not sure if she would have stuck around very long. where she followed the boys home without thought.
also it's important to note that after time, jane does understand that peter ballad was a real person, and was truly the first person (aside from terry) who wanted the best for her. when she remembers him, knows that brenner was lying, she deals with immense guilt regarding his death. he was shot right in front of her eyes, because he was trying to help her. this is another catalyst as to why after season two, jane never refers to brenner as papa. she does not give him that sort of credit.
#studyā in my dreams it's all real and my heart has so much to reveal.#THINKING THOUGHTS. i have had this concept in mind for a while but i THINK iāve fleshed it out properly now.#will write this up properly one day (never).#although henry offering eleven a place at his side wouldnāt be canon#he would definitely still look at her as an enemy for basically stopping his revenge.#AND the whole speech between he and jane never sat right with me.#saying brenner made him what he was / that it wasnt his fault etc. Like. No? henry was a sociopath. he killed his family.#brenner didnāt do anything to make him who he is. so jane always saw him for exactly what he was#and thereās absolutely no sympathy there.#and then regarding my season four canon as her regaining her powers by remembering the massacre/the fight. i am changing that to her#regaining her powers by simply confronting her past. understanding what she went through. finding ways to cope with it physically and#mentally. getting coping mechanisms from her therapist. seeking help. not needing to know WHY this happened to her (because there is not.#and will never be a reason.) but finding ways to accept it and move on. how to move on from eleven and become janessa ives.#also just because in this case henry doesnāt massacre a bunch of kids? It doesnāt make him any less evil. in this instance i am following#the idea that some of the workers were prisoners there in hawkins lab. and henry killed a bunch of the workers. so would definitely have#killed some innocent people.#just because i am separating peter from henry. does NOT mean i am excusing anything from henry/vecna.#in this case they are two completely different people. although i highkey wanna use jcb as peter because he just did the role SO WELL and#was SO BELIEVABLE iām not sure about it yet. because i donāt want anyone to get the impression that iām making excuses for henry.#BUT YES.#this be the new canon. <3#idc brenner is such a good fuckin villain heās disgusting but so intriguing.
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why did my teachers think it was okay to give us like one single weekend to finish all of our midterm projects and study for our tests.
#slight vent#i have 3 projects and 3 tests#iām halfway through my lit/history project and halfway through my psych project#and maybe a quarter done with my programming project#which is fucking insane btw cause how tf am i supposed to code a whole video game in like 3 days on top of everything else ššš#and some things he hasnāt taught us and just thinks that we should just be able to figure out like HELLO???/?///#I DONT HAVE TIME TO TEACH MYSELF NEW CODE#ITS THE MIDTERM/FINAL FOR THE CLASS??????#and once the weekend starts iāll have no one to trouble shoot my stuff and fix my bugs so literally iāll be hopeless so ššš#my calc teacher JUST finished teaching us everything we need for the midterm TODAY. THE MIDTERM IS ON WEDNESDAY. BRO.#my physics teacher doesnāt let us copy down any of our idk test questions or take our old assessments home to study#*old#so we get to look em over for like 20 mins and hand em back. which doesnāt exact fucking help me when iām studying for the midterm.#WITH NO STUDY GUIDE.#my teachers even said that this years midterms are worse than previous years cause theyāre all in a row instead of split by a weekend#weāve had 2 delayed openings and 1 early dismissal this week which means we have less time to work on our midterm projects in class šššš#iām so overwhelmed iām gonna explode#by the time i finish these projects iām not gonna have anymore energy/time to study for my tests. WHICH IS THE HARD SHIT BTW.
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doing scrapbook stuff again properly for the first time in a few months! happy :3
#mole talks#maybe i'll end up posting some pages when they're finished! scrapbooking was a big comfort for me in the past#but over the past few months i didn't do it as much cuz i didn't have much to like .. stick into my scrapbook#didnt have anything to stick in cuz i started preferring digital art to traditional art and i didn't have any photos or anything to stick i#looking back on old pages is interesting to me and sort of reminds me of the things i was doing at the time#i have a lot of trouble remembering the things i do so these sorta things can be kind of helpful#anyways. hehe. i need to study for my physics test but i'm busy having fun and being myself
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These exams are gonna be the things which sucks out my last bit of creativity and will to live
#A level exams are DESTROYING ME#the fact that I have got 9 MORE PAPERS TO GIVE#career path go brrrrr#maths#physics#chemistry#a levels#istg these studies are driving me insane#study aesthetic#eeeeeee#send help
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how are people scared of bats :(
#theres a lot of misinformation about bats and it makes me sad :(#like did you guys know that despite bats being known for having rabies only 0.5% of bats actually do#and bats dont bite...not even vampire bats do#tho it is more reasonable to be afraid of vampire bats as the rabies rate is 10% and they do drink blood#but they only live in central and south america and mainly go after cows#and when bats swoop down at you theyre actually just eating the bugs that are trying to bite you#bats are actually really good for the environment too#if there werent any bats a lot of really good fruit wouldnt be able to grow#no bats? no mango banana guava avovados or tequila#and reduced amount of rice citrus strawberries coffee chocolate and cotton#people also study bats' echolocation to find new innovative ways to help blind people#and bats arent affected by many deadly diseases and they have a very low risk of cancer and their dna is similar to humans#this means that bats could possibly be the key to curing cancer as well as slowing down the progression of aging#and by that i mean that it could delay the symptoms of getting older#such as aches and pains memory issues risk of certain diseases and physical changes#idrc about changes in appearance that much but its interesting#anyways
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the road goes ever on
i need to hand in the report for the research project in just under three months now. and it feels like i haven't accomplished anything yet, despite putting in effort everyday.
i had a small win today though. i've been working on getting a setup ready with which we want to measure our device. and to test it without potentially destroying our device (we currently only have two of them) i measured some v-i characteristics of a transistor (our device behaves a bit like a transistor). and despite being super inexperienced with electronics i actually managed it in the end and the setup is now good to go for the real devices.
#physics#university#studying#studyblr#having adhd meds again definitely helps#but i'm still just so exhausted and done with this degree#despite actually enjoying the work when i'm at work#but i haven't fully recovered from the burnout in summer#but oh well i just have to get on with it#and be kind to myself#and make sure i sleep enough#eat properly#exercise#and hope that the time will fly by#and i do enjoy the fog and the autumn leaves#i just wish i had the energy to actually go out and enjoy the weekends#but i need most of the weekend to catch up on sleep#anyway despite my whining things are much better than they were two months ago
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